25. The trouble with life is that you're halfway through it before you realized that it's a "do it yourself" thing.

24. Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

23. This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.

22. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on!

21. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

20. By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.

19. One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.

18. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

17. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

16. If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

15. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

12. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

11. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

10. Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.

7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

6. Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

3. There is absolutely no substitute for genuine lack of preparation.

2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.