If you are ever travelling in the Middle East, you may find it useful to know these simple phrases. For the sake of the Islam nation, be it known that only 2% of the population belongs to the radical extremist faction of the religion who are responsible for all the terrorism. Most Muslims are very nice people, I'm sure.

Remember, this is only a joke...

USEFUL PHRASES TO KNOW WHEN TRAVELLING IN MOSLEM AREAS:

Useful Phrase: "AKBAR KHALI-KILI HAFTIR LOTFAN."
Translation: "Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun."

Useful Phrase: "FEKR GABUL CRADAN DAVAT PAEH GUSH DIVAR."
Translation: "I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie on the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart."

Useful Phrase: "SHOMAEH FEKR TAMOMEH OEH GOFTEH BANDE."
Translation: "I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life."

Useful Phrase: "AUTO ARREREGH DAVATEMAN MANO SEPAHEH HAST."
Translation: "It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car."

Useful Phrase: "FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMARA JEBEHKESHVAREHMAN."
Translation: "If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages I will glady reciprocate by betraying my country in public."

Useful Phrase: "KHREL JEPAHEH MANEH VA JAYEH AMERIKAHEY."
Translation: "I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies travelling as reporters."

Useful Phrase: "BALLI, BALLI, BALLI!"
Translation: "Whatever you say!"

Useful Phrase: "MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLEIEH, GHORBAN."
Translation: "The red blindfold would be lovely, your excellency."

Useful Phrase: "TIEKH NUNEH OB KHRELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE BOYAST INO BEGERAM."
Translation: "These water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe."

A Shuttle To New York...

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a fat little Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a coke."

"No problem," said the Israeli. "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Arab picked up the Israeli's shoe and spat in it. When the Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good. I think I'll have one too."

Again the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he was gone the other Arab picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The Israeli returned with the coke and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York.

As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This animosity between our peoples.....this hatred...this animosity...this spitting in shoes and peeing in the Cokes!?"