You don't want to be in your doctor's office and hear this: "Well Jim, there's no reason you shouldn't live another 20-30 years. However, you will be bleeding constantly from both eyes."

I don't wanna hear this: "I'm pregnant, you're the father, and I'm going to kill all three of us!"

"Calm down, have some dip."

"Honey, it's the police. They have a search warrent, and the 300 kilos of cocaine are still sitting out in the living room."

THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR...

"Dad, you really oughta drink more."

Here's something you don't hear too often: "Do what you want with the girl, but leave me alone."

Here is something no one's ever said before: "As soon as I stick this hot poker up my ass, I'm going to chop my dick off."

"Honey, lets sell the kids, move to Zanzibar and begin taking opium rectally."