After Sunday Mass, Mary goes up to Father O'Grady in tears.

He says, "Mary, dear, what's bothering you?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got awful news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says, "Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last request?"

She says, "That he did Father."

"What was it, Mary?"

"He said, 'For the love of God, Mary, put down that gun!'"

St. Peter Stuff...

St. Peter at the pearly gates front desk noticing Jesus coming by arranges with him a short break from checking people in. In a little bit an old man came up to the desk very slowly. At the desk the old man asks, "I'm looking for my son."

"And who are you?" asks Jesus.

"I'm his father, well, not really." says the man.

"Where are you from?" The old man said he was from the Mediterranean Sea area. "What did you do in life?"

"I was a carpenter," was the reply.

Jesus smiled because this was a profession he could relate to, "You say your looking for your son?" he asked kindly.

The old man replied, "Yes, yes, and he was unlike any other child on earth."

Jesus looked closely at the old man and asked, "Did anything unusual occur the night he came to you?"

"Oh yes, there was this incredibly brilliant star in the sky that lit up all the heavens."

"And does your son have holes in his hands and feet?" asks Jesus excitedly.

"Oh, he does!" proclaimed the old man. At that, Jesus, holding out his hands, looks into the man's eyes and calls out, "Father!"

The old man looked at Jesus with joy on his face, and asked, "Pinocchio?"

Three Dead Blondes

Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells them they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St.Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful."

"Wrong!," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?"

The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde. He asks, "What is Easter?"

The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is."

"Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.

"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out...and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."