Star Wars...

You Might be a Redneck Jedi if...

• Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.

• You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Jack Daniel's.

• You think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.

• At least one wing of your X-Wing is Bondo colored.

• There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.

• You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.

• You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok without using the word "chicken".

• You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.

• You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.

• A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.

• You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force.

• Your master ever said, "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"

• You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.

• You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.

• The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

• Wookies are offended by your B.O.

• You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

• You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.

• You have ever used a lightsaber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.

• Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side, it'll be a hoot."

• You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

• The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can't find it.

• You have a stuffed womp rat anywhere in your home.

• You think the symbol for the Rebel Alliance should be the Confederate flag.

• More than half the droids you own don't function.

• The number of blasters you own exceeds your I.Q.

• You wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on getting married.

• You used a carbon-freezing chamber to mount the Wampa you shot while on vacation on Hoth.

• Your moonshine is made on a real moon.

• You don't like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket.

• Sandpeople back down from your mama.

• You've ever used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a speeding ticket or DUI.

• You've ever strangled someone with the force because they laughed at your accent.

• You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac.

• You've ever argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid.

• A Wookie has ever told you that you need to shave.

• You have ever wrecked a landspeeder while trying to light a cigarette with your lightsaber.

• You don't think the Ewoks are primitive. [Or have a body hair problem.]

• You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow.

• You don't think Jabba's pig guards have a hygiene problem.

• The Rancor monster refused to eat you.

• You consider your lightsaber the ultimate bug zapper.

• You discover that your greatest enemy is, in fact, your father. And your uncle. And your brother...

Samuel L. Jackson... Jedi Knight!

It has been confirmed that Samuel L Jackson is playing a Jedi Master in the new Star Wars prequels. The TOP 14 things we want to hear Samuel L. Jackson's character, 'Jedi Master Mace Windu,' say in the Star Wars prequels:

14. You can stick your well-laid Death Star plans up your well-laid ass.

13. You must go to Dagobah, where you will be taught by Yoda, the sly, sweet motherfucker who taught me this shit.

12. Thats no moon, asshole - thats a fucking space station!

11. I don't care how good you say they are. I ain't fightin' alongside no fuck-ass teddy bears.

10. You don't need to see my goddamn identification, 'cause these ain't the motherfuckin' droids you're looking for.

9. Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'll never know, 'cause even if it did I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker.

8. This is your father's lightsaber. When you absolutely, positively, have to kill every motherfuckin' stormtrooper in the room - accept no substitutes.

7. If Obi-wan ain't home then I don't know what the fuck we're gonna do. I ain't got no other connections on Tattooine.

6. Feel the Force, motherfucker.

5. "What!?" ain't no planet I've ever heard of! Do they speak Bocce on what?

4. You sendin' the Fett? Shit, Hutt, that's all you had to say!

3. Yeah Chewie Rocky Horror's got a hair problem. What the brother gonna do? He's a wookie.

2. Does Jabba the Hutt look like a bitch?

1. Hand me my lightsaber ... it's the one that says, 'Bad Mother Fucker.'