Pilots & Planes...
Blind Pilots?!?!?
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial
airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so
they can get under way.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane,
and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both
appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into
passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the
co-pilot is using a guide dog.
Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the
passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of
practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start
spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering
among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses
for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly
and the people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying,
and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway,
the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left,
there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone
screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts
off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and
turns to the Captain, "You know, one of these days the passengers
aren't going to scream and we're gonna get killed!"
Ha-Ha-Ha!!!
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."
- Rich Jeni
The Cockpit
A (supposedly) true story:
A friend of a guy in the Nutrition School at Tufts was one of the lucky passengers onboard a
Northwest Airlines flight to Boston during our recent hurricane "Bob". The captain did his best
to skirt the edge of the storm, but it was a pretty rough ride just the same - rough enough that
the flight attendants were ordered to strap themselves into their seats for about half an hour,
and many of the passengers were putting the little plastic-lined bags in their seat pockets to
good use. When the turbulence finally abated, the flight attendants unbuckled themselves, and
the captain's voice came on over the intercom.
"Well, folks, that was quite some ride, wasn't it?' But we came through it fine, just the way we
always do, and I'm happy to report that it looks like the remainder of our trip should be much
calmer. On behalf of myself and today's flight crew, I'd like to thank you very much for your
calmness and cooperation, and extend our best wishes for a pleasant stay in Boston.
(after a short pause and several clicks)
"Jesus Christ - whadda bitchin' ride! Boy- I sure could use a cup of good strong coffee and a
blow job, right about now"
As a stricken stewardess dashed up the aisle to the cabin to inform the captain that his
intercom was still on, one of the passengers called after her, "Don't forget the coffee!"
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