Another Monkey Joke!
As you may know I like Monkeys lots and hey the pet store was selling
them for only five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they
were normally like a couple thousand or so. I decided not to look a
gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys
lots!
Yah - so I took my 200 monkeys home. My friend has a big car. I
let one of them drive, his name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In
fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves
in the genitals. I laughed lots. They punched me in the genitals. I
stopped laughing. I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt
very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl
themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall.
Although humorous at first, the great spectacle lost its novelty
halfway into it's third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive;
they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped
dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours
later. God damn cheap monkeys.
So I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all
over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase.
It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the
toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet
monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys. I tried to pretend that
they were just stuffed animals. That worked for awhile, that is
until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I
had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't
want to call a plumber.
I was much too embarrassed. So then I decided to try and slow down
the wicked decomposition by freezing them. Unfortuantely there was
only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every
30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it
didn't go bad. I tried to burn them, but little did I know that
my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.Then I had one
dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my
freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a
pile on my bed, The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys
and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat
one of the monkeys. I felt better. I tried throwing them away but
the stupid garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of
charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He couldn't take it
either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones. I finally
arrived at a solution. I'll give them out as Christmas gifts! yah
and my friends won't know what to say.
They pretended to like them, but I'll know that they are lying.
Ingrates.
So I'll then in turn punch them in the genitals. I like monkeys lots.
HA-HA-HA-HA!
