A lady goes to see her doctor and says, "Doc, my back really hurts when I have sex." The doctor says, "Which position do you use?" The lady says, "We always do it doggie style." The doctor says, That's your problem. Try using the missionary position." She says, "I can't do that. My dog has terrible breath."

What does a sixty-year-old woman have between her tits? Her snatch.

Charlie's an embalmer, and one day he says to his boss, "There's a problem with Mrs. Whittaker." The boss says, "What's that?" Charlie says, "I was getting her cleaned up when I noticed a jumbo shrimp sticking out of her pussy." The boss says, "That's impossible. Show me."

They go to the table where she's lying, Charlie flips back the sheet, points, and says, "See? There's a jumbo shrimp sticking out of her pussy." The boss takes a closer look and says, "You jerk, that's not a piece of shrimp. That's her clit." Charlie says, "Her clit? Well, it sure tasted like shrimp."

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks! him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He says, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it." He says, "Jesus, honey... remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks! him on the back of the head with the frying pan again. He says, "What was that for?" She says, "Your horse called."

How do you make a gay baby cry? Take the pacifier out of his ass.

A guy walks into a crowded doctor's office and says to the receptionist, "There's something wrong with my dick." The receptionist says, "You shouldn't say things like that in a crowded reception area. Please leave, and when you come back in, say there's something wrong with your ear, or something like that." The guy walks out, and then walks back in. The receptionist says, "Yes?" The guy says, "There's something wrong with my ear." The receptionist says, "And what's wrong with your ear, sir?" He says, "It hurts when I piss out of it."