Instructions for Use...

These statements were found on actual products. God help us all...

The instructions for a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

Directions for a bar of Dial Soap: Use like regular soap.

A Frozen dinner Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.

On Tesco's Tirimisu dessert: Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box)

On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boots' (pharmacy chain in the UK) children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery after use.

On a Nytol package: Warning: May cause drowsiness.

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.