In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.

The hunter ran and ran and ran, his lungs burned for lack of oxygen, his heart pounding so hard he felt like it would burst out of his chest. Then suddenly, he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear Lord! Please give this bear some *religion*!"

The skies darkened, and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.

Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky, kneeled and said, "Thank you, Lord, for this food I'm about to receive...."

"Hunting Bears Can Be Dangerous..."

Big Mike's all excited about his new rifle. So, he goes bear hunting in Alaska. The first bear he sees is a little brown bear, and he kills it with his first shot.

There is a tap on his shoulder, and he turns around to see a big black bear. The black bear says, "You've got 2 choices. One, I maul you to death or Two, we have sex."

Big Mike bends over for the bear. He's sore for 2 days, but he recovers and vows revenge. Big Mike heads out on another trip to Alaska and he finds the black bear and kills him.

At that moment there is a tap on his shoulder. A huge grizzly is standing right behind him. The grizzly says, "That was a big mistake. You've got 2 choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." Big Mike bends over once again.

He survives, but he's really hurting and it takes quite a bit of time to recover, and, he's outraged. He heads back to Alaska and finds the grizzly and shoots him at point blank range.

Sure enough, there's a tap on his shoulder.

He turns around to find an enormous polar bear. The polar bear looks at Big Mike with a puzzled look and says, "You don't really come here for the hunting, do you?"