How to be annoying...
- Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
- Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
- Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
- Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book.
- Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
- Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
- Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
- Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
- Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
- Staple papers in the middle of the page.
- Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
- Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
- Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
- Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
- Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
- Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
- Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
- Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
- Pay for your dinner with pennies.
- Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
- Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
- Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
- Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat the complementary mints by the cash register.
- ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
- only type in lowercase.
- dont use any punctuation either
- Never make eye contact.
- Never break eye contact.
- Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
- Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
- Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
- Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
- Ask people what gender they are.
- Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
- Repeat everything someone says, as a question
- Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a real hoot".
- Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
- Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" and then, " Never mind, it's gone now."
- Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
- Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
- Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
- Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
- At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
- Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
- Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
- Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
- Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
- Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
- Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
- Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
- Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
- Finish the 99 bottles of beer song. And then go back up with "one bottle of bottles of beer UP CHUCK SPIT ONE UP, two bottles of beer on the wall"
- Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
- When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
- Sing along at the opera.
- Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
- Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
- Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
- Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
- Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
- Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
- Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
- Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
- Make appointments for the 31st of September.
- Purposely spit with every SSSS you say as you talk.
- Slam your head against walls and seam," No!!! Don't make me do those awful things again please!!! Get out of my head!!!!
- Laugh at every thing a person says weather it is funny or not.
- Give people the evil eye when ever they begin to speak.
- Scream at the top of your lungs for at least a minute at every bug or spider you see
- Talk loudly to your "Invisable Friend" when ever your in public
- Call bars and ask for Mike Roch, Ben Dover and Herry Di Kwacker.
- Call one of your friends who is home every five minutes. Let it ring twice and hang up.
- Talk non stop to your friend and when they ask you to be quiet, burst into tears and act hurt
- When your on your first date with your new boy friend, talk about your old boy friend non stop. Don't stop talking about him till the second you leave.
- Tell your friends the same thing over and over again like each time was only the first time you said it.
- when in an elevator stand facing the wall so when people get in they think it opens on the other side
- laugh at people during serous conversations
- wave at people in passing cars violently, pretending you know them.
- follow people around telling everyone (in a loud voice) that they are your brother/sister.
- walk around mumbelling and screaming at anyone who comes within 3 feet of you
- when on a bus:draw a square, with chalk, around you (about 1 m each way) and say very loudly, "if anyone steps in this square they are violating my personal space" then flip out at anyone who does.
- dontputanypunctuationorspacesinyouremailstoyourfriends
- take at least 50 reference books off the shelf and scatter through out the library
- take a bowling ball to class and use it as an excuse to get out of class because you need to take it for a walk
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