GUYSPEAKTIONARY

Quote: "I'm going fishing."
Really means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

Quote: "It's a guy thing."
Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

Quote: "Can I help with dinner?"
Really means:"Why isn't it already on the table?"

Quote: "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

Quote: "It would take too long to explain."
Really means: "I have no idea how it works.

Quote: "I'm getting more exercise lately."
Really means: "The batteries in the remote are dead."

Quote: "We're going to be late."
Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

Quote: "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

Quote:"That's interesting, dear."
Really means: "Are you still talking?"

Quote: "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means: "I forgot our anniversary again."

Quote: "You expect too much of me."
Really means: "You want me to stay awake."

Quote: "It's a really good movie."
Really means: "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."

Quote: "That's women's work."
Really means: "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

Quote: "Will you marry me?"
Really means: "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

Quote: "You know how bad my memory is."
Really means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

Quote: "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

Quote: "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

Quote: "I do help around the house."
Really means: "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

Quote: "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

Quote: "I can't find it."
Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

Quote: "What did I do this time?"
Really means: "What did you catch me at?"

Quote: "I heard you."
Really means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

Quote: "You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

Quote: "You look terrific."
Really means: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

Quote: "I brought you a present."
Really means: "It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."

Quote: "I missed you."
Really means: "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

Quote: "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

Quote: "We share the housework."
Really means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

Quote: "This relationship is getting too serious."
Really means: "I like you more than my truck."

Quote: "I don't need to read the instructions."
Really means: "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

Quote: "I'll fix the garbage disposal later."
Really means: "If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."