I got this via e-mail, but I've found that it's written by George Carlin.

Anticlimax: What my uncle was good at.

Chess: The piece movement.

Seersucker: A person who blows clairvoyants.

Passing Gear: Clothing worn by light-skinned blacks who wish to be thought of as white.

Outspoken: When you lose a debate.

Hormone: The sound a prostitute makes so you'll think you're a real good fuck.

Drug Traffic: Driving to your connection's house.

Sex Drive: Similar to drug traffic, but with a different destination.

Douche: A female duke.

Octopus: An eight-sided vagina.

Trampoline: A sexual lubricant popular with sluts.

Parakeet: A keet that takes care of you until the real keet arrives.

Pussyfoot: A rare female birth defect requiring the use of open toed shoes.

Beer Nuts: The official disease of Milwaukee.

Cotton Balls: The final stage of Beer Nuts.

Cowhand: An occupational disability common among dairy farmers.

Woodpecker: A 17th century prosthetic device.

Leatherette: A short sadomasochist.

Cap Pistol: A small gun that can be hidden in your hat.

A gay barbarian: Attila the hon.