• A guy who doesn't know what he's doing and won't admit it.
• A permanently disfigured gun collector.
• A whole lotta people tap dancing at once.
• When a big hole opens up in the ground.
• The third week in February.
• Guys who say "cock-a-roach."
• A woman with no feet, because she's always nagging you to take her dancing.

Poor, poor Dave....

Dave goes into a public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Dave is standing there taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak. Dave finishes and starts to leave when the man asks him to help him out. Being a kind soul, Dave says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."

The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"

Dave says, "OK."

Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"

Dave replies, "UH, yeah, OK..." Dave pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, scabs and it reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Dave to aim it for him, and so he points it for him. Dave then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.

The guy tells him, "Thanks, Man, I really appreciate it."

Dave says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"

The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I AIN'T TOUCHING IT...."

EWWWWWwwwwwww!!!!!!!

So....

KEEP IT CLEAN

I never wash my hands after using a public restroom. Unless something gets on me. Otherwise, I figure I'm as clean as when I walked in. Besides, the sink is usually filthier than I am. I'm convinced that many of the men I see frantically washing up do not do the same thing at home. Americans are obsessed with appearances and have an unhealthy fixation on cleanliness. Relax, boys. It's only your dick. If it's so dirty that after handling it you need to wash your hands, you may as well just go ahead and scrub you dick while you're at it. Tell the truth. Wouldn't you like to see some guy trying to dry his genitals with one of those forced-air blowing machines that are mounted four feet off the ground?

This was on a Guns & Roses tape -- but I don't think it's what Tipper Gore had in mind...

"This album contains language which some listeners may find objectionable. They can FUCK OFF and buy something from the New Age section."