Here's an incomplete list of possible promotional slogans for national condom week:

21. No Glove, No love.
20. A Crank With Armor Will Never Harm Her.
19. Wrap it in Foil Before checking the oil.
18. The Right Selection Will Protect Your Erection.
17. Don't be a Fool, Vulcanize your Tool.
16. Never, Never deck her with an Unwrapped Pecker.
15. Especially in December, Gift Wrap Your Member.
14. When you Take Off Her Pants & Blouse, Zip up your Trouser Mouse.
13. While your Undressing Venus, Dress up your Penis.
12. If you go in Heat, Package your Meat.
11. She Won't Get Sick if you Wrap your Dick.
10. It will be Sweeter if you wrap your Peter.
9. If you Slip Between her Thighs, be sure to Condomize.
8. If you Think She's Spunky, Cover your Monkey.
7. If you're not Going to Sack it, Go Home and Whack it.
6. You can't go Wrong if you Shield your Dong.
5. Don't be a Loner, Cover your Boner.
4. When in Doubt, Shroud your Spout.
3. Don't be Silly, Cover your Willy.
2. Before you Attack her, Wrap your Whacker.
1. Cover your Stump Before you Hump.

New Condom Slogans...

So which condom would you use....?

Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop. (You can, and should)

Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker. (No comment)

Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: 10 million strong and growing. (Like Viagra)

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for a woman. (Or: but made for a woman)

Macintosh Condom: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple. (You get what you pay for?)

Ford Condoms: The best never rest. (Actually...)

Chevy Condoms: Like a rock. (Hopefully the nice smooth sandstone - not the rough and jagged ones)

Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did? (No, actually I don't give a damn what other people do. And I don't wanna know! Just give me my condoms and I'll go sit in the corner.)

New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey - you never know. (You don't, do you?)

California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?

Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever. (No comment.)

KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good. (Most definitely - No comment.)

Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.

Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one. (But a little goes a long way...)

Campbell's Soup Condoms: Mmm, mmm, good. (Kinda defeats the purpose.)

General Electric Condoms: We bring good things to life!

AT&T Condoms: Reach out and touch someone.

Bounty Condoms: The quicker picker upper.

Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today ?

Energizer Condoms: It keeps going and going and going....

M&M Condoms: It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!

Taco Bell Condoms: Get some; make a run for the border.

MCI Condoms: For friends and family

Doublemint Condoms: Double your pleasure, double your fun!

The Sears Latex Condom: One coat is good for the entire winter.

Delta Airlines Condoms travel pack: Delta is ready when you are.

United Airlines Condoms travel pack: Fly United.

The Star Trek Condom: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before.

A man and his son...

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers. "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.

With a sigh, the dad replies, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for ......"

"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus."