What's the difference between a really old Honda and a golf ball?
You can drive a golf ball 200 meters.

Why do really old Honda’s have rear window heaters?
So you can keep your hands warm while you're pushing it.

Attempted Kidnaping...

An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. "If you get in the car," the driver says "I'll give you $10 and a packet of sweets."

The boy refuses and keeps on walking.

A few moments later, not to take no for an answer, the man driving the car pulls over again. "How about $20 and two packets of sweets?"

The boy tells the man to leave him alone and keeps on walking.

Still further down the road the man pulls over to the side road. "Ok," he says. "This is my final offer. I'll give you $50 and all the sweets you can eat."

The little boy stops, goes to the car and leans in. "Look," he shouts to the driver. "You bought the damned Volvo, Dad. You'll have to live with it!"

My Car Will Go On (Hopefully)

(A seemingly different version of "My Heart Will Go On" from the Blockbuster Motion Picture Titanic)

Intro with a wispy woodwind

Every time I start you, I hear you, I feel you
Telling me you cannot...go on.
Far away the Hyundais, the Yugos, they beat us
At 45 mph you slowly...go on.

Near, far, wherever you park
I can see you, oh brown, ugly car!
Once...More...I don't lock the door
And no one'll try to steal it, my car will go on and on

The battery died that one time, and stalled me a lifetim
I watched as all the others...go on
How the kids they would laugh, the fan belts, do screech-scratch
When I drive with the fan...turned on

Near, far, wherever you park
I can see you, oh brown, ug-ly car!
Once...More...I don't lock the door
And no one'll try to steal it, my car will go on and on

(On More Time, only Two Octaves Higher)

This year... there's nothing I fear
I got triple-A card to go on
On...the...Seremban Highway
I reach for the call box and, my life will go on and on.....

(Okay, so that was worse than the original. I'm sorry.)