Cindy, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.

The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Cindy, "Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"

"Sure that sounds great!" said Cindy.

"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.

"Is fifty bucks alright?" Cindy asked.

"Yeah, great. You'll find all the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."

The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks!!? Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.

"Well she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.

About 45 minutes later, Cindy knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner.

The man was amazed. "You painted the whole porch?"

"Yeah," Cindy replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!" The man reached into his wallet to pay Cindy.

"Oh, and by the way," said Cindy, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

The Beauty and The Beast

(Or more aptly, "The Lawyer and the Blonde")

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Ha-Ha-Ha!!!!

Four blondes standing on a corner is called Eternity.

Two blondes decide to drive down from Seattle to Disneyland. They drive for about 5 days and finally see a sign that says "Disneyland left." So they go home.

Blonde jokes are always one liners so that men can understand them.

More... Blonde Jokes

Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common?
A: We always hear about them but never see them.

Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" so they went home.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.

Q: How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.

Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. The blonde grabs the gun and breaks into the room holding the gun to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde screams at the husband, telling him to "Shut up... cause you're next!"

What's this?

Blonde Brunette Blonde Brunette Blonde Brunette Blonde Brunette?

(Scroll Down)

Q: Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A: It said concentrate.

Q: What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Look out - run away from the Blonde if you can - cause she's got a grenade in her mouth!

Q: How can you tell if a Blonde has been using a computer?
A: There's white-out on the monitor.

Blondes shouldn't have coffee breaks because it takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why can't Blondes dial 911?
A: They can't find the 11 on the phone!

Three Dead Blondes

Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells them they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful."

"Wrong!," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?"

The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde. He asks, "What is Easter?"

The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is."

"Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.

"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out...and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."

A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches every part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!"

"Hmm, were you ever a Blonde?" asks the doctor.

"Yes I was." she replies, "why do you ask?"

The doctor answers, "Cause your finger is broken."

A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said,"Oh look at the dead bird." The blonde looked skyward and said, "Where, where?"

A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21, 21, 21"

A Blonde walks up, sees this and decides to join her. She also starts jumping rail to rail, saying "21, 21, 21", the brunette hears a train whistle and jumps off the tracks in just the nick of time.

But the Blonde is splattered all over the place. The Brunette goes back jumping from rail to rail, counting "22, 22, 22"

Q: What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
A: Look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.

Q: What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
A: They drowned in Spring Training.

Q: Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.

Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A: "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"

Q: Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: They can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Two Blondes were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater. Apparently they had come to the theater to see "Closed for the Winter."

Q: Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

A Blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps giving out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and asking if someone else could have go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face, "Can't you see I'm winning?!"

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to stop at some funny imprints they found in the snow - what could they be?

The first blonde said, "These look like deer tracks!"

The other one immediately interjected and said, "No they look like moose tracks." So they argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hangerfor a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxioously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down!"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A: It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

Q: How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?
A: Put a flashlight in her ear.

Q: How do you drown a Blonde?
A: Easy. Just put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are Steelhead in this river?!"

A Blonde...

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnaped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnaped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

A Few More Blonde Jokes...

A blonde was standing in front of a display at a hardware store, looking puzzled. A clerk came up to her and asked if she needed assistance.

"What's that?" asked the Blonde.

"That's a thermous" replied the Clerk

"What does it do?" asked the Blonde.

"It keeps things hot and cold" answered the Clerk.

"I'll take it" said the blonde.

The next day the Blonde went to work with her new thermous and her boss who is also a blond came up to her and asked "what is that?"

"It's a thermous" replied the Blonde.

"What does it do?" asked the blonde boss.

"It keeps things hot and cold" replied the Blonde.

"What have you got in there?" asked the blonde boss.

"2 cups of coffee and a popsicle" replied the Blonde.

A smart blonde joke....

At long last, a "smart blonde" joke.

A Blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the Blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.

Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Blonde replied, "Well, where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for just 15 bucks?"

Finally a "Smart Blonde" joke.

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement.

Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator.

The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: "OOOOOhhh that looks like semen." She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says "It feels like semen."

The redhead reaches out and touches it with her fingers, smells it, and says "It smells like semen."

Judi, the blonde, reaches out and touches it with her fingers and then puts her fingers in her mouth and tastes it and says, "It doesn't taste like anyone in this building..."

Judi and Gayle were walking down the street. Judi noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."

Gayle said, "Let me look." So Judi handed her the compact.

Gayle looked in the mirror then turned to Judi. "You dumbass -- that's *me*!

Ha-Ha-Ha!!!!