46 Actual Bumper Stickers
46. We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
45. Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
44. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
43. Horn broken, watch for finger.
42. All men are idiots ... I married their king.
41. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
40. My kid had sex with your honor student.
39. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
38. Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply.
37. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
36. Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
35. I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
34. Jesus paid for our sins... now lets get our money's worth.
33. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
32. I love cats ... they taste just like chicken.
31. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
30. Keep honking, I'm reloading.
29. Hang up and drive.
28. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
27. I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
26. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, Not screaming and yelling like the
passengers in his car.
25. Lord save me from your followers.
24. Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
23. Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
22. I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
21. Cats... the other white meat.
20. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
19. Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!
18. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
17. It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
16. When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
15. Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
14. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
13. Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
12. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
11. He / She who laughs last thinks slowest.
10. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
9. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
8. Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
7. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
6. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
5. Be nice to your kids. They'll be choosing your nursing home.
4. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
3. Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
2. I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.
1. Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
You want WHAT????? MORE????
Well, ok....
18 Actual Bumper Stickers
18. I'm a corporate executive -- I keep things from happening.
17. Bad Cop! No donut!
16. Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?
15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
14. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
13. Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
12. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
11. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
10. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
8. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
7. She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
6. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.
5. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
4. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so
popular?
3. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
2. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
1. He's not dead -- He's electroencephalographically challenged.
Another Actual Bumper Sticker: My child was inmate of the month at the County Jail.
I saw this bumper sticker on the way to work today, and it was great! It had this really really small 2 inch writing on it and it said: "Help! A bunch of paranoids are following me!"
MORE BUMPER STICKERS (57 to be exact)
BUMPER STICKERS SEEN AROUND THE WORLD...
57. Constipated people don't give a shit.
56. Practice safe sex, go fuck yourself.
55. If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.
54. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
53. If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
52. Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.
51. If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive better.
50. My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
49. Thank you for pot smoking.
48. To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
47. If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling.
46. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings."
45. If you can read this I've lost my trailer.
44. Horn broken...watch for finger.
43. It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.
42. If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
41. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
40. The earth is full-go home.
39. I have the body of a God....Buddha.
38. This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
37. So many pedestrians-so little time.
36. Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
35. If we quit voting will they all go away?
34. The face is familiar but I can't quite remember my name.
33. Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
32. Illiterate? Write for help.
31. Honk if anything falls off.
30. Cover me, I'm changing lanes.
29. He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
28. I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
27. You! Out of the gene pool!
26. I do whatever my rice Krispies tell me to.
25. Where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?
24. It's been lovely but I have to scream now.
23. I haven't lost my mind, It's backed up on a disk somewhere.
22. Seen on the back of a biker's vest - If you can read this, the bitch
fell off.
21. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
20. Fight crime, shoot back.
19. If you can read this, please flip me back over..(seen upside down,
on a jeep).
18. Remember folks, stop-lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.
17. Guys no shirt, no service. Gals no shirt, no charge.
16. If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like
Jabba the Hut?
15. Necrophilia: that uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.
14. Ax me about Ebonics.
13. Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel.
12. Boldly going nowhere.
11. Cat: the other white meat.
10. Caution - Driver legally blonde!
9. Don't be sexist-broads hate that.
8. Heart attacks-Gods revenge for eating his animal friends.
7. Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window.
6. How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
5. If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.
4. Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
3. Saw it...Wanted it...Had a fit...Got it!
2. Warning! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.
1. What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
And, A Few More for the road....
Honk if you've slept with the president!
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